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Sunday, April 12, 2009
Its another day of disappointment..... today goin to renfang d church again.. i thot i can see her.... she said she was tonning at yvonne house... she said she cnt make it.... and i said "its okay,nvm...." after tat.... met elaine at kallang mrt.... met hongda on the way.... waiting for renfang d cab to fetch us to the expo.... during the journey... in the cab.... renfang ask me why clarin nvr come.... i said she was tonning at yvonne house and renfang said its not tat.... i was doubting..... renfang says clarin scare of seeing me.... tat makes me realised sumting.... she thinks tat seeing me is a pain.... also, to her.... seeing me in school is a torture.... after hearing this.... my heart fell to the ground.... cracked to pieces..... why does she hav to lie to me?? if she realli cnt make it, jus tell the truth.... why she had to lie to me? is it cuz she scare i sad tat she didn come? or wad.... wondering..... my feelings for her.... has sank to th bottom of the ocean.... my heart has push her away.... i care for her.... does she care for me? and she thinks tat by lying to me is a form of caring to me.... its wrong.... deeply wrong.... my understanding of her.... has paused.... my hope for her.... has dropped.... Today.... when we reached the expo.... i actually dun wan to say de.... i saw my ex-stead..... i pretend not to see her.... as i hav a place for Rin..... i think of her.... i always put her in the first.... does she know?? i doubt so.... I love the church today... is abt the "THE FINAL SOLUTION"... if u gt go... u should know... it was touching.... im totally freaked out the show has chg my view of jesus.... i saw how jesus sacrifice his life to forgive all mankind's sin.... i nearly dropped tears.... on tat moment when he was crucified.... i felt the love tat jesus gave for us.... the pains.... today i pray for myself.... let god take over my life.... i do not know wad to do.... im confused.... i felt lost.... the gurl i love.... the words she said to me... was so hurting.... i was feeling tat... for all of wad i do.... is pointless.... But i love her..... sumtimes... u love a gurl... the gurl may not love u..... tat is not a complete love.... tat is one-sided love.... for me.... my love for her is obvious.... her love for me.... is complicated... to me... she is irreplaceable.... but seeing the way she treated me.... i lost all the hope on her.... if u wan me to use force.... i couldn do it... nobody love her more than i do... time is precious.... i give her time.... she cherished... but did not grab it.... if she thinks seeing me is a tortue or a pain.... thn forget it..... wads the point when i love her.... and she dont..... i dun think tat waiting for her.... is a waste of time.... is worth it.... i been findin time to tell her how i felt.... but she kept telling me busy.... is obvious... she doesn wan to listen.... she thinks tat wadever im goanna say.... is goin to hurt her heart.... Rin..... love is so credible.... after wad i heard.... i dun hav a better understanding of love.... me and u.... is a L.O.V.E without the O and E..... between us..... i did not felt any love.... is lyk we having a cold relationship.... cold and windy..... no water and food.... frozen to death..... INY..... Rin...... |
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